Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Waiting for Tea [Tanka]

It is my routine to walk my little white dog every morning possible. With the hurricanes threatening the coast, we decided to brave the fog and threat of rain in this morning's early hour, thinking it might be our only window of opportunity for walkies today. An umbrella is too cumbersome with the flashlight, leash, etc. and it was too warm for a slicker so we set out fully embracing the possibility that we might get soaked.

But we didn't... funny thing too. We took the short route around the elementary school -- very close to home and more than halfway lined with trees. It was a stroll through damp misty fog until we got to the first set of trees. Then a cloud burst. We kept walking but the trees shielded us from the rain until we got to end of the tree line... and it stopped raining. We walked in the damp misty fog again and came to the next set of trees... and another cloud burst. It stopped raining again as we came to the end of that tree line. In the end, we could have really gotten wet but we came home relatively dry and I had to laugh.

Was is luck? Coincidence? God? My own acceptance that I could get wet but didn't really want to so my will created the optimal conditions? It doesn't matter... I think we as humans tend to get too caught up in the causes of things. It just IS and I am grateful for the experience regardless of the reason. I don't think luck or coincidence has the ability to care and I believe God understands my line of thinking.  So... thank you to what and whomever. ;)


Waiting for Tea

Early morning rain
and a rabbit's silhouette.
Watching each other,
neither move in the dampness--
fully immersed and steeping.


Choose to be happy. Experience peace. Know that you are loved. ~Lettie

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Mourning Meds

Back at the end of June I made the decision to get up every morning at 4 - 4:30 and commit to a (flexible) morning routine. I needed a good kick in the pants to get out of the funk I was in and realized that my greatest flaw was my lack of commitment to self. I was going good guns until August hit and the flying monkeys in my head began screeching again. The morning routine became fraught with interruptions, doubts, and depression. I didn't stop altogether but the flow was... impeded.

This past Thursday morning, I settled myself down for a 5 minute guided meditation and had a small breakthrough... I have been pushing, dealing with ordeal after ordeal, fear after fear for so long that I've built up a substantial energy blockage - a powder-keg of emotion that won't blow (I won't allow for that, control freak that I am) but one that really needs a little relief. Five minutes of actual internal silence works better than you might think for emotional release... and poetic inspiration. ;)

Mourning Meds
Sitting still,
I allowed myself to be guided
into silence.

When she told me to "breathe mindfully,"
I heard "grieve" instead of "breathe"
and so I did.


Choose to be happy. Experience peace. Know that you are loved. ~Lettie

A Letter...

Hello,

Yes, it HAS been a long time since my fingers have spoken here at TRN. The last... oh, decade has been challenging, enlightening, fulfilling... humbling. Now, at 49, I believe I am finally waking up to all that has happened with all the (sometimes overwhelming) feelings that go with this kind of awareness. Maybe it's mid-life crisis... maybe it is the nervous breakdown everyone seems to be waiting for me to have... it doesn't matter. Some VERY old demons have came back to bite me in the last two years and I've stared them down and continue to move forward in spite of them. I can't say they've gone away. I'm not sure they ever really will. What matters is that I'm here now, my feet are on the ground, and I bring what I've learned with me.

So... as I turn yet another page in the tome that is my life I return to The Rogue Nun. I can't imagine the fundamentals will change all that much but who knows? If you still follow after all this "quiet" time, thank you. If I have not returned an email or a comment and I've offended, upset, and/or disappointed you, I apologize. I make no promises. In truth, TRN is about me and my need for a space to express myself however selfish that may sound. And still, I do care about everyone. I mean that. I envision hugging the planet daily and one of my greatest joys is encouraging others and helping them find the beauty in themselves and in what they create. My name, Letitia, means "beloved" or "one who brings joy." In Old Spanish, it was the word for "happiness." I do my best to live up to the name I've been given even on my darkest days. What turns up in TRN isn't always happy or encouraging but the "me" behind it is always shining and wants nothing more than for you to shine too.

Again, thank you. Thank you for being here, for reading, for the connection. I am more grateful than I can say.

With much love,
Lettie

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Mindfulness - Thursday 5.3.18

The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives. ~Louise Hay